I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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