So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
How does one acquire holy water?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
