we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
