Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
