i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize