Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
