I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You can't just leave with hair like that
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
