Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Dignity is for republicans.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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