She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
