I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
