garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Randomize
