she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
