By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
