bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Michael Bay diarrhea
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
