So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
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