you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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