Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
