I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
