new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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