There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
