look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
