just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
