he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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