Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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