I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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