After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
