I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
