real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
