i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
