Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
