Can i not drive my cunt home
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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