Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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