they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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