A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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