Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
