and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
