I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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