I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
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