she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize