Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I can't put those talents on a resume
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
