nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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