careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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