I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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