being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
