I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
