LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
smell my finger.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
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P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
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Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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