A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
