it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
