No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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