I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
