So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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