If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize