she smelled like a LAN party
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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