just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Shame - the story of my life.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
