Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
They have beer where we have blood.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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