I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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