So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
