So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I love having hate sex.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
