Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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