Duck Duck Cougar?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
