How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
